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The 3 Important S’s of Summer Fun

I generally love everything about being for mother-daughter activities, especially during the Summer months, because that means more beach days, boat days, BBQs and picnics (for the whole family too). Unfortunately, Summer usually has to bring her besties to the party – UV Rays (Ultraviolet Rays) – and they do not come to play.

Mother-daughter activities, especially beach and boating days, should always include the SLIP, SLOP, SLAP method before heading out: SLIP on protective clothing, SLOP on sunscreen and SLAP on a broad-brim hat. My friends over at Soltrino keep my family and I fully protected for our boating and beach days (like these swimsuits we’re wearing for our boating day).

Growing up in Bermuda as a light-skinned girl my goal was to tan, not protect, and so I spent years applying Johnson and Johnson’s Baby Oil on my skin before heading to the beach to get that golden glow. I know I know…you can gasp in horror because I basically cooked myself, but I can assure you, I wasn’t the only one. The emphasis of sun-protection from an early age just wasn’t a “thing” in my childhood years, but now, there has been a huge effort to educate parents and adults period, on the importance of establishing good sun protection habits and also sharing the damaging effects (sometimes lethal) of too much sun. So what exactly is all the fuss about?

Let’s talk about UV Rays.

Ultraviolet Radiation is essentially energy that comes from the sun and there are different levels of UV rays based on how much energy they have. Each level has a degree of damaging effects to our skin and a “UV Index” has been created to help us determine the strength of UV rays on any given day. For more information on UV rays, visit here. FUN FACT – August is the hottest month of the year in Bermuda and most days are Indexed at a level 8 (cue the Soca song Feelin’ Hot Hot Hot). So how much damage can these UV Rays really do?

Let’s talk about Melanoma.

According to Cancer.org, Melanoma is a type of skin cancer that develops when melanocytes (the cells that give the skin its tan or brown color) start to grow out of control. Melanoma is less common, but more dangerous than some other types of skin cancer. Skincancer.org reports that Melanoma in children and adolescents accounts for 1 to 4 percent of all melanomas and 3 percent of pediatric cancers. To grab your attention even further, 5 or more sunburns doubles your risk of melanoma. How many sunburns have you or your children had? It’s time to take note. Those pesky UV rays change the appearance of existing moles and cause new spots on the skin. You should perform regular self-examinations and take pictures of your current moles as a benchmark to detect any changes over the years. Also, you should follow the ABCDE code when giving yourself regular examinations (graphic provided by Forefront Dermatology).

Let’s talk Melanated Mamas.

For years, I heard the misconception that Black people don’t get skin cancer. I hope that the above information will help my melanated mamas take sun protection seriously and understand that the UV rays are unbiased, but if that isn’t enough for you, check out this article from a fellow Bermudian sharing how melanoma impacted her family.

Let’s talk Fun in the Sun!
For the rest of your outdoor summer fun, be sure to practice Sun-Smart habits and protect your whole family from those nasty UV rays. If you need some gear, head over to my friends at Soltrino for a variety of swimwear and UV protected clothing. Their color combinations are great if you want to match during mother-daughter activities or set the whole family up like what we did. And before you leave, don’t forget to sign up for our monthly Mama to Mama Pep Talk .
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Your Plans Have Plans That You Should Plan For

Antonia Holder and daughter | MNDEmpowered.com

What do you do when your carefully thought-out plans start to crumble before your very eyes? I was starting to believe that it was impossible to plan for my kids, until I realized I was planning all wrong.

Do your thoughtfully crafted kid-inclusive activities always go according to your plans?

A few weeks ago I orchestrated what I thought was going to be THE BEST afternoon of baking fun. With Easter around the corner, I planned a playdate with some friends and grabbed a bunch of items for the kids to hop into the Easter spirit:

  • Cute chick, bunny and egg cookie cutters
  • Candy necklaces
  • Bunny and egg molds
  • Tons of sprinkles….not just the plain ones. This multipack had different shapes and assorted colors that ushered in thoughts of Spring
  • Squeezable icing
  • Pipping bags (cause’ in my mind, I was going to create more colors than the white and green squeezable ones I purchased)
  • Candy melts

What kid doesn’t like cookie decorating, right?

I had it all planned out…even giving consideration to the cookie cooling period and how to fill that time (but I did forget the part where the cookie batter usually settles in the fridge for an hour).

Quick vent Mama to Mama – You know…why is it that we realize we’re doing too much only when we’re actually in the middle of doing too much?

Sugar Cookies from scratch (that my son spilled a quarter bottle of Vanilla Extract in), boxed Brownie poured into tiny molded bunnies, homemade rice crispy stuffed into mini egg molds, candy melts to dip them in (epic fail) plus decorating the cookies.

ALL. TOO. MUCH.

But I didn’t have this seemingly obvious epiphany until I had 4 restless kids ignoring my plea to participate in the “baking fun”. I looked at my girlfriend and said the words that no mom wants to say after spending money and planning the perfect activities for the kids….

“We should stop.”

She agreed with a head nod and a look that said “save us both, Jesus”.

I felt defeated…lost to the Easter Bunny, chicks and eggs that the kids didn’t even get to decorate until the next day. I was so caught up in the idea of what the afternoon could be that I missed all the cues from the kids. Their disinterest in certain parts of the baking. Their joy in playing with each other more than baking with me, having to endure my “snaps” of frustrations. And my girlfriend…she was such a gem, a real trooper. No part of the afternoon was any level of relaxing for us, but she showed up 100%.

All in all, the kids did have a great time.

I realized that it was not in the planning where I went wrong, but that it was my predetermined expectation for how my plans would unfold, not making space for those little personalities to show up so big, as they always do. Not inviting the opportunities to pivot and change the course of the plan.

Mama, there is a mindset required to preserve our own sanity when it comes to successfully planning for our kids and that is to remember that our plans will have plans of their own and we should always plan for that.

 

        

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Why Beyonce’s Brown Skin Girl Made Me Cry: A lesson on Legacy and Affirmations.

pretty brown skinned girl | MNDEmpowered.com

I first became aware of Beyonce’s song from scrolling through the Gram late 2019…months after it was released. I like Beyonce, but I wouldn’t say I’m a part of the “Bey-Hive”, so I tend to catch on pretty late. It made it to number 1 on the Billboard Charts in August 2019, just over a week after it was released and still, I didn’t pay attention to it until months later.

I played it as background music while I did a bit of tidying around the house, casually moving to its inescapable African rhythm and trying to sing along to all the lyrics that I didn’t yet know (I laugh as I remember this moment and I’m sure you can recall yourself trying to sing to songs that you didn’t know the lyrics to – go ahead and L.O.L.).

The Message

After singing aloud… “brown skin girl, ya skin just like pearls”, I told myself I need to play this song for Layla (my then 4-year-old daughter) but life happened and I didn’t actually play it for her that day. My urge for her to listen to it was fueled each time I heard it, but it was important for me to be present with her to sing along when I played it for the first time. At the time, I wasn’t sure why I was making it into such a big deal, but I later discovered the root cause of that desire.

It wasn’t until one morning in the car on the drive to school that I remembered to play it for her and so I did. A captivated opportunity, I primed her with my simple plea for her to listen to this song. She responded with a request to hear Moana’s, How Far I’ll Go instead (imagine the cloud of disappointment hovering over me at that moment). Ignoring her request, I pressed play on my phone and we both started moving to the sounds of Saint Jhn’s catchy rap intro.

The Trigger

Layla was loving the song as it continued. I chime in with Bey and tell her, “ya skin just like pearls, best thing inna di world, I’ll never trade you for anybody else”! We rock in our seats together to what I have commissioned as our new mother-daughter anthem and then it happens. As Beyonce’s melodic and soulful voice crescendos to culminate this verse, she harmonizes, “if ever you are in doubt, remember what mama told you.” It was in that moment I knew I was unable to fight back the tears as they streamed down my face. But why?? Why tears during a fun-loving moment?

As I gathered myself in the car, hoping that my daughter couldn’t see the tears, I acted as if it never happened and happily told my Layla to have a great day as she exited the car.

The Lesson

It wasn’t until later that day that I realized why I was crying and it had nothing to do with Beyonce. It had everything to do with the fact that I have no memories of my mother’s comforting words. No source of inspiration to draw on in times of self-doubt related to my abilities, beauty or uniqueness. No, “My mama always told me to (fill in the blank)”. Yet, there I was…singing to my own daughter to “remember what mama told you”. And that’s it! That’s the level of awareness that cuts so deep and compels you to be the mother that you never had!

The Opportunity

Since that very moment, I have smothered my daughter with affirmation statements, pouring into her soul every chance I get. Brown Skin Girl is a feel-good song that every woman and girl should listen to. But beyond the music and lyrics, it should serve as a reminder for mothers everywhere to consciously and consistently affirm their daughters.

I tell my daughter “you were born to do great things in this world; it’s ok to be scared when you’re trying something new, just begin with a try; you are kind, loving and compassionate; mistakes are part of learning; you are a child of God”. I could go on and on, but you get the point.

I want my 30-plus-year-old Layla to look back and say, “My Mama was always there for me. She made me believe that I could overcome anything and be anyone I wanted to be. She gave me wings so that I can soar.”

How are you affirming your daughter? What do you want her to remember the most?

 

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Back-to-School Mode: How to get your children ready for the return to school

Back to School Mode: 10 Helpful Tips | MNDEmpowered

Can you believe that a new school year is upon us already? If I’m really honest about it, I can’t wait and have been counting down the days….literally. But, that’s for two reasons: The first….Covid19 has certainly derailed all our lives and even the summer days have been running together. So, I’ve implemented a countdown system with my daughter (5 years old) to help get her (and me) ready. The second reason is totally selfish because I see a bit of normalcy on the horizon, although I’m still defining what exactly will be the “new normal” for my family and I. If you’re like me, you won’t know that until you get there, so I’ll happily embrace the endorphins that my brain releases when I countdown the days until school begins.

OK! You’re here for the tips, so let me get to it. 

For the last few weeks I have been intentional about inserting some Back-to-School lingo in our day-to-day interactions. Back-to-School time normally creates a range of emotions for kids. Anything from eager-beaver to hiding under a rock. Getting butterflies or general worry is all normal during this time….ask any school counselor. However, the new health and safety protocols thanks to Covid19 may add a level of anxiety that wasn’t there before. That’s why talking about what will be expected is super important. If your child has already started school, some of these tips won’t be beneficial to you at this time, but some of them can be used throughout the school year to reinforce the school mode.

In no particular order, here’s what I’ve been doing to get us in Back-to-School Mode:

1. Casually mention that school is beginning soon

This may seem really simple, but you’d be surprised how much conscious effort it takes, especially if school is still the furthest thing from your mind. I’ve used it as a conversation starter to see how my daughter is generally feeling about it and I’ve also plainly stated it while we are doing something that she wouldn’t be able to do while school is in, like eating snowballs at any given weekday after lunch. We’ve enjoyed a lot of freedom during this Covid19 summer, so my aim is to slowly ensure she understands that it is coming to an end.

2. Begin to limit screen time 

In the spirit of transparency, my kids have been getting more screen time than ever before (especially during lock-down, but I had to choose between my sanity and never leaving my bedroom in fear of the work-from-home, teach-from-home, cook-from-home, clean-from-home, wife-from-home, doctor-from-home mode we were all in). If your kid is anything like mine, cold-turkey doesn’t really work for her, so I give fair warning before I impose certain restrictions….especially if she’s already gotten used to it. Now, usually in the mornings I tell them they only get x amount of screen time today and remind them no TV after 7pm. If they’re on the Kindle Fire on the drive to or from camp, I let them know that the time gets deducted from their total allotted time for the day.

3. Reestablish the school mode routines

I think it’s safe to say that most of our “routines” might still be non-existent, but I’ve heard it from all the experts that routine is an important factor during transitional periods. My kids have enjoyed sleeping in until 8ish and going to bed 9ish, but that all has to change in less than two weeks. Here’s where I’ve been doing a lot more talking than taking action, but we will be doing a “test run” of normal school wake up and bedtime hours starting next week (wish me luck – my two and half year old sleeps in like a teenage boy).

My ideal evening routine would be something like this….we all get home about 5:45pm, my oldest unpacks her lunch box and changes out of her school dress. I then get to have free play plus snuggle time with them for 30 minutes or so. Then they play by themselves while I make dinner. We all sit down for dinner at 7pm, baths by 7:30pm, teeth brushed and in the bedroom by 8pm for story time. Don’t ask me how many times I was actually able to pull that off. The point is to establish a routine that suits your family and try to stick to it. The kids will fall in line over time.

4. Introduce academic work 

There have been so many creative outlets circulating the internet that offer fun, educational materials and DIYs to add to my day to day interactions. I try to include a math and spelling lesson while we play. Snakes and Ladders is a favorite board game in my house and I try to use more creative ways to get the spelling in like sentence building and reader books.

5. Go shopping together

If you’re like me, you get excited when you buy a new outfit. I think our kids (especially the girls) get excited too, although school clothes are not very exciting (hehe). Beyond the clothes, it also allows you to spend time together. Whether you’re buying school clothes or stationery supplies, it all reinforces for the kids that it’s almost time to head back to school.

6. Read books that talk about school

There are so many options out there, it really just depends on what context you want to introduce. Themes range from school spirit, to diversity and kindness, to being helpful to the teacher, to first day of school. Any theme with a positive message would do the trick. Again, the purpose of this is to prepare them for the transition. I read this one to my daughter 

7. Discuss the new Health & Safety protocols 

Once the school provides the physical distancing and Covid-19 protocols, share them with your child. I received my daughter’s last week and I’ve already mentioned the phrase, Social Bubble, to her a dozen times. We also talked about the temperature checks, physical distancing spacing in the classroom, washing hands more often and the fact that I won’t be able to get out of the car on her first day of “big school” (she was unbothered while I was all in my feelings). Hybrid teaching and learning models will be used in some instances as well.

8. Watch a kid-friendly Covid19 related video together

There are quite a few on YouTube, but I like this one and have watched it with my kids – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RGNi0mEmwpI&t=8s 

Visuals with the right content are always helpful. The goal is to normalize these major changes through conversation and through practice together.

9. Emphasize the positives of returning to school

Try to incorporate the elements of school that your child enjoys the most. My daughter is a socialite, so I’ve said, “it will be exciting to see your friends again.” P.E. is usually a favorite for the younger kids and if your child is in upper primary, you can pick a particular favorite subject to highlight.

10. Take notice of any stress indicators

Let’s be honest. A mama bear fiercely protects her cubs and if the thought of sending your cubs to school gives you a level of anxiety, you are not alone. We’ve been shielding our kids from Covid19 for months, so some nervousness on your end is completely understandable. Anxiety will present itself differently for different kids. Look for warning signs like lack of appetite, not sleeping, acting withdrawn and even headaches. Some kids are able to embrace change easily and adjust no problem. Others may find it very challenging, especially if they didn’t get introduced to Covid19 protocols during summer camp. Most of the schools around the world shut down in March.That’s 5 months without being in an academic environment with other kids. A level of anxiety is completely understandable, but you want to be able to talk about it so that your child understands that it’s OK to be a little nervous.

That’s it! That’s pretty much what I’ve been doing. Thanks for sticking with me to the end. I know that was a lot, but my parenthood journey will not be the same as yours. We can all learn from each other, while at the same time doing what’s best for our respective families.

Don’t worry if you can’t get it all in prior to school starting. Kids are extremely resilient and adaptable. While these tips will certainly help with transitioning from “summer break” (not sure we can even call it that….thanks Covid19), they shouldn’t create any level of undue stress for mom and dad to introduce.

Wishing you and your family an exciting and happy start to the new school year.